


I'll Love You Anyway

by adaemonie



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 01:37:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7993861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adaemonie/pseuds/adaemonie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cosima and Delphine are both working on their dissertations. They meet by accident and somehow get along quite well. The two form a friendship when Delphine decides to mentor for Cosima, however, it's not that easy - Cosima can't forget her past and Delphine has problems with her supervisor - the widely known Dr. Leekie. / AU - no clones / mainly Cophine (slow burn) / a few scenes contain non-con but I'll mention that before / (this story is also up on ff.net)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> Songs suggested for this chapter:  
> Foals - Birch Tree  
> Foals - Albatross

It was one of those days that made her almost feel guilty for being happy. The sky was covered in dangerously dark grey clouds and near the horizon lingered an intense hue of yellow, promising a thunderstorm.

Cosima sat in the streetcar that she always took home after she had been to the university. In her lap rested a book, opened, but she was too caught up by the wild beauty of nature outside to look down at the pages again. A small smile graced her lips. She took a few deep breaths, concentrating on the music she listened to.

Cosima liked this kind of weather, that was true. But it wasn't the cause of her good mood – it had been rainy like this for the past couple of days, even too much for her liking. It should be summer, god damn it! She wanted to spend the evenings outside on the small balcony of her apartment in one of the university-buildings together with her roommate Sarah and best friend Felix, drinking until the summer-sky finally turned dark just to grab their bikes for a short ride to the lake nearby and a midnight bath in the cold water.

In fact, she didn't really know what the cause of her good mood was. She just kinda had the feeling that this day had been good; good besides the weather and the boring lecture that she had endured today instead of staying home in bed even though she knew that it would have been the better choice. She was in a good mood even though there were a lot of exams coming up soon.  
Not that Cosima cared anyway. She was quite a joyful person most of the time, able to find beauty in places where other people wouldn't even look. And she was a very thankful person. Had always been.

She raised one of her hands and felt her bracelets tingle when she reached up to twirl one of her dreadlocks between her fingers and finally closed the book on which she couldn't concentrate anyway, stuffing it into her backpack.

Just in time, actually, because the small display near the ceiling announced her stop and was already slowing. The brown-haired girl jumped and nearly sprinted to the door.

On her way out she saw a mass of blonde curls out of the corner of her eyes that grabbed her attention. She tried to get a look at the person with this amazing her, but wasn't able to until she left the sub – only to find herself staring directly into the face of said woman.

The woman had a slender face, high cheekbones and a small nose. Her lips where full and she was smiling… Oh god, and she had goddamn dimples! Cosima couldn't remember the last time that she had seen a person this beautiful. She wished that the woman would look at her, just for one second, so she could imagine her eye color in all of the daydreams that she would have of this beautiful stranger. But the beautiful stranger seemed to be very into the conversation that she held with the muscular man on the seat right across from her.

Standing there for what felt like an eternity, Cosima watched how the doors of the wagon closed and it took off, taking the beautiful stranger with it.

 

* * *

 

When Cosima reached her destination, she felt like she was soaked and wet to the bones. On her walk the promised thunderstorm had started and masses of rain poured down on her.

"Oh shite!", was the first thing she heard when she opened the door to her apartment. In the hallway, her flatmate Sarah stood with her mouth agape. "You look like you just stepped outta the fucking shower, Cos."

"Well, hi there to you, too." Cosima replied with a cocky grin. Sarah was wearing her usual Clash-Shirt and a pair of sweatpants – she obviously had stayed at home instead of going to today's lectures. As usual. But she still had managed all the semesters without taking an extra round so far, which was admittedly very impressive.

When Cosima tried to enter, Sarah grabbed her by the shoulders to stop her. "No no no. Don't you even _dare_ to take another step. I swear, if you wet the entire floor you'll have to do the cleaning this month."

"Sarah, that's not fair!" Cosima exclaimed in faked shock. "It's your turn and it's certainly not my fault that I got into this fucking storm. Also… mind to inform me how I'm supposed to get dry if I'm not allowed to move, shithead?"

Sarah laughed, not at all impressed by the façade that her dreadlocked flatmate and friend had tried to pull on her. "Just stay where you are, kay?", she smiled. "I'll fetch you a towel and somethin' that you can use to put your clothes in."

"Thank you!" Before the words had left Cosima's lips, Sarah had already hurried away, her dark brown and curly mane waving after her.

"No prob!", came a muffled answer from the bathroom. She heard Sarah shuffling in there, then something clattering on the floor. "Shite! Man, I can't do anything right."

"You okay in there?"

"Yeah, it's fine, just the shower curtain again!" Cosima rolled her eyes. This goddamn shower curtain. She couldn't even remember how often they already had their friend Tony fix it (well, not really _fixing,_ more like _taping-it-to-the-ceiling_ ).

Sarah finally returned with the promised towel and a garbage bag.

"I'll leave you some privacy then, Cos. I'll be in the living room, don't even think of joining me without a beer." Sarah was obviously very pleased with herself. She loved to give orders, not in a bossy way, though, but more in a motherly-sarcastic-way. "Oi, and geek monkey, it's kinda your fault that you got into that – if you just stayed at home with me and watched Netflix, none of this would've happened!"

 

* * *

 

An hour later, Cosima sat with Sarah and Felix, who came over from his flat, on the couch in the living room. Outside it was still raining like crazy. Sometimes, for a split second when a lightning struck, the whole room was filled to the brink with light, reflecting of the white walls covered in funny postcards and posters of bands, until it got dark again. However, the thunder was progressively getting less audible, meaning the worst was over soon.

"So… we went to this bar, yeah?", Felix continued his story. "And Collin of course ordered some warm-up shots. You can imagine how the rest of the night went. I can't remember the last time that I've gotten this wasted, I swear by God."

"You're meant to swear on something that actually means anything to you, Fee.", Cosima chuckled. "Otherwise it's useless."

"Nothing really matters to Fee, you forgot?" Sarah replied, nudging her brother in the side.

"Oh, come on, I'm not _that_ reckless!" He protested with a big pout. He was wearing make up as usual – something that really impressed Cosima, for she only bothered to put on eyeliner every morning. It was not like she would meet anyone she needed to charm with her looks anyway.

Suddenly, she remembered the woman on the streetcar. The blonde curly, fair skin and damn, these lips…

As fast as she could, she shoved the thought aside. Cosima would probably never meet her again for her university was a rather big one. The odds weren't in her favor. And even _if_ she met her again, nothing would come of it.

The dreadhead returned to the conversation and left her train of thought to drive off, just like the streetcar with the stranger had.


	2. Not Her Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some inspiration taken from jaybear1701's story 03:24:21 (it's on ff.net, I don't know if it's here, too)! Look it up, it's so worth it. Really. (If you haven't read it already) - I read it twice already haha
> 
> Songs recomended for this chapter:  
> Tame Impala - The Moment  
> Foals - Lonely Hunter

„OH GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!", Cosima screamed. When she had awoken from her slumber, she realized that she had overslept yet again. This time, she hadn't forgotten to turn on her alarm, though. She just hadn't heard it. Great, this day would totally suck. The brunette knew it already.  
When she jumped out of bed, she managed to somehow stab her toe at her bedpost. _Hard._ It was fucking painful. So she wailed.  
Great. Amazing. Just perfect. What a nice day!

Normally, she wasn't really bothered by being late. She never missed anything important anyway, at least nothing that she wouldn't be able to catch up later on her own. Also, she had the tendency to be late - she tried, she really did, but she couldn't change it, no matter how hard she tried. The dreadlocked woman had settled with accepting her lateness instead of being angry at herself.  
However, today was actually a very important day. Cosima had registered for a promotion in order to get a doctor's degree in EvoDevo – Evolutionary Development – and today, she would talk to her assigned supervisors for picking a topic.

"Damn it, Niehaus! Get your fucking shit together and stop screwing up! You can't get anything right!"

At lightning speed, she got dressed - almost putting on her shirt wrong - and hurried out of her room to turn on the coffee machine so it would brew while she put on her daily eyeliner - she would be able to take a cup of it to the university in order to save her soul from the damnation that was caffeine withdrawal but she wouldn't have the time to enjoy it at home. She hated it.

In the kitchen, she found Sarah who was already out of bed and brewing up coffee, much to her surprise. She hadn't expected her to be up this early because her friend usually wasn't. She often slept even until Cosima had returned from her lectures. And Sarah seemingly hadn't expected to be up this early either, for her hair was even messier than usual and she donned an expression that spoke of manslaughter. The bags below her eyes didn't help either.

"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping? Is everything alright?"

"Well, I _was._ ", Sarah stated, her voice as bitter as her face, sending a shiver down her flatmate's back. Before this morning, Cosima hadn't even been aware that someone could have this enormous bags under their eyes. She couldn't help but fix her eyes on them. "But then you decided to scream like crazy and howl like a wolf, so here I am, you nerd."

"Uh.", Cosima paused for a second - both in confusion and something that she could probably interpret as fear? She wasn't even near her functioning level yet without a coffee, so it was hard to figure out. "I'm so sorry, Sarah. Kinda overslept. Kinda stabbed my toe. You know…"

She left her sentence unfinished, only waving her hands around in the air. She knew if she would continue now she'd break into a ramble and tired Sarah despised rambles with all her heart. So better not rpovoke her.

"You better be." Even though Sarah was still grumpy, she now sported the slightest smile. "Because I'm actually fucking with you. I got up just a few minutes before you decided to make a fuss – decided I'd make coffee and wake you from your slumber, so you wouldn't be that late."

Cosima grinned like an idiot. She was so glad to have such an amazing roommate, such an amazing friend. When she had first met Sarah, she never thought that they would be here some day, close friends enough to be saving each other's asses when necessary.

"I'll pay you back some time soon!" The girl with the dreads promised.

"Shouldn't you rather focus on getting finished now?" Sarah cocked her eyebrow. Just as always, an attempt to seem more emotionally disconnected than she actually was.

 

* * *

 

Cosima sprinted down the corridor, her coffee-to-go-cup clutched in her hand. Somehow she had managed to not spill any of it yet, but considering today's luck, she wouldn't be surprised if she tripped over her own feet to kiss the floor.  
Of course, the building where the office of her supervisor was, was the farthest away from the station – NS1 (natural science building one, also known as _NSA_ by most students, because it contained the anatomy sections of the campus) – so she had to give her best.

_Well,_ Cosima thought. _At least I stay fit and get regular exercise just because I'm always late. Not in need of wasting time on extra cardio._

When she reached the office of her supervisor, she somehow had managed to not be as late as she thought – only five minutes. An acceptable amount of time.  
She hadn't bothered, though, to find out her supervisor's name yet and only remembered the number of his office. Cosima didn't want to seem unprepared or rude, so she took a close look at the name tag next to the door.

_Prof. Dr. Dr. Alan Nealon_

That name rang a bell. Cosima concentrated with scrunched eyebrows. Where the hell had she heard that name before? Then she remembered.  
 _Oh shit. I put an eel in his goddamn tank in the third semester. Oh god._

Even though Cosima was and had always been a neat student with good grades, she was also a very flawed one. Obviously, being late was one of these flaws. Being a prankster was another one. Of course, she never really pulled extreme ones – the risk of being thrown out was too high. But sometimes, even her nice and mild pranks escalated. Mostly because the victim which got pranked treated her or someone else poorly.

One of these escalated pranks was the infamous _Eel-'n-Nealon-_ prank. After Nealon had sexually harassed one of her fellow students, she _knew_ that it was her duty to avenge the girl. At that time, Nealon had been doing a simulation of the primordial soup in order to figure out which molecules would form first, how long the whole thing would have to sit until the first bacteria formed and so on. Long story short, she had broken into the laboratory (well, it couldn't really be considered breaking in because some of Sarah's friends, a group of anarchists, where passing around universal keys for the buildings and Cosima managed to somehow get one). She had deactivated the video surveillance system thanks to her friend Scott, who gave her instructions over phone. And then, she had put the eel in his tank.

When Nealon discovered the eel, he first naively believed to have proven the theory of evolution. He exclaimed to have made a scientific breakthrough, until someone brought up the idea that there coud've been someone who messed with the tank.

To this day, no one had found out about her role in this, besides Scott and Sarah. Even though everyone knew about it. And even though Nealon was still pissed as hell about it – claiming to "have created live itself" when someone just messed with you wasn't really something anyone would be proud of. Cosima never thought that she would be this glad for getting through with a prank.

The woman with the dreadlocks took a last, deep breath in order to calm herself. Then she knocked at the door, twice, before slowly opening it.

"Good morning, Prof-"

"Ms. Niehaus.", Nealon cut her short. He sat in a monstrosity of a black leather chair behind his just as big wooden desk. _Great. A sexist bastard who has to compensate a lot. You're so lucky, Niehaus._ "You are late."

Dr. Nealon's voice was harsh and deep. He didn't seem to like her the slightest bit.

"I-I'm really sorry." Cosima usually wasn't one to stutter, however, this entire morning had caught her terribly off guard. She had known before that getting her degree would be a pain in the ass but oh boy, if only she had known…

"You don't have anything to say in order to defend yourself?", her supervisor stated coldly. His hair was covered in dark locks that hadn't been washed for way too long. His face was covered in wrinkles already. All in all, he looked like the clichéd professor.

Cosima shook her head. "No, professor . I'm not a fan of lame excuses." She paused for a minute. _Damn it, now I can't even cut the slang. Maybe I should smoke less pot…_

Against her own expectations, Nealon pulled a grimace that somewhat resembled a smile.

"Well, that's something I can work with." His voice still gave her the creeps, though. "Now, let's forget this and start over again, shall we?"

Cosima just nodded, not knowing what to say.

"So, , I guess you'll have heard this at least a hundred times already, but I'm now going to inform you about the effort required to get your title before we settle on the topic of your main piece of work, the dissertation…"

 

* * *

 

After what felt like hours, Cosima finally got up from her seat. She shook Nealon's hand goodbye, desperately hoping that he wasn't aware of the goosebumps creeping up her skin. She couldn't help but be totally creeped out by him. Even though he was, she had to admit that, not as bad of a scientist as he was of a human.

Cosima had settled on the nature-nurture-topics of Evolution – in the following months she would concentrate on cloning three different baseline mice, only to examine how each of the groups would behave later on. While doing so, she would have to examine any drastic changes of behavior and health – cloned mice where very prone to all kinds of immune diseases. Maybe in comparing the three baselines (she would alter the genome of two of them, of course) whose individuals would live under differing conditions, analyzing their behavior and health, she would be able to find some relations between genetic predisposition and expression. After surveying her mice, she would take samples of their DNA and keep out an eye for epigenetic differences in between her test subjects and maybe find some correlating results.

To get her promotion, she wouldn't only have to conduct her experiment, but she also had to write a dissertation which had to contain each and every detail not only of her work, but also of the reasons why she chose it. Lastly, she'd have to take an extra course as well that fit her topic and finish an oral exam in it.

"I will see you Wednesday, Cosima, to show you where your lab will be." Nealon added. His mood had brightened with each minute of their conversation – he was seemingly as excited for her works as she was. "I bet it will be a pleasure to work with you. And I'm very curious how this experiment turns out. It would be amazing to become part of the scientific breakthrough you could possibly make…"

"Thank you very much, professor." Cosima tried to get out of Nealon's office as fast as she could. The brown haired woman was quite sure that she couldn't stand another minute in there. "I'll be on time. Have a nice day!"

She closed the door behind her, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath in relief. She took a step forward, into the hallway, only to crush with full force into a person passing by. Before she could even grasp the situation, she already sat on the floor, documents spilled everywhere. Cosima wasn't sure if they where hers or belonged to who ever she ran into.

"Oh damnit, I'm _so fucking sorry_!" Cosima exclaimed. She got up as fast as she could and corrected her glasses that had been sitting tilted on her nose. Somehow the person she bumped into seemed familiar, there was something about this hair… "I should _really_ try to look where I'm going. You okay?"

The woman sitting on the floor looked at Cosima the instant that she spoke, with gigantic hazel eyes. For the moment she was so caught off-guard, that her mind went completely blank. Then she recognized the face in front of her – it was the face of the beautiful stranger she had once seen in the streetcar. That incident had been months ago.

"Oh… Yes, don't worry.", the blonde answered. Her voice was soft, and Cosima could make out an accent. She would bet it was an European accent. Before she could process what was happening, she offered the gorgeous woman her hand, who gladly let Cosima help her up. She seemed to still be very confused. "Everything's fine. I'm fine. How about you."

"Uhh…" Cosima was really at a loss for words for a few seconds. "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine! Stuff like this usually happens to me on a daily basis – you know, I'm kinda too clumsy for my own good. Glad you didn't take any harm though. But I guess we both managed to spill or documents?" Cosima realized she was making a lot of gestures while talking. She felt herself blushing. Damnit. "So yeah, I'm obvs really sorry for this as well and _of course_ I'll help you to sort them out again!"

Cosima hadn't thought that the blonde would be this tall. Not tall enough to make looking up at her uncomfortable, though. Just right. _Wait… no no no. Calm the fuck down._

The blonde woman didn't reply with anything but a sly smile.

"Uh, yeah." Cosima huffed. "I'm sorry I'm rambling – I know I'm rambling. I always do when I'm talking to someone pretty."

Now, the other woman was laughing. Cosima got a pretty great view of a set of perfect white teeth.

"No it's okay, really. And… I'm Delphine, by the way.", Delphine extended Cosima her hand and awkwardly shook it. She had to admit that the name Delphine was very fitting – it was just as beautiful as its bearer.

"Nice to meet ya!", Cosima replied. "Or rather bump into ya. I'm Cosima. Hi!"

"Enchanté.", Delphine said. Her eyes never left Cosima's for a while.


	3. The Young Doctor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up - part of these chapters are based on real life experiences I've made. Uni is... interesting over here, so to say. It's lit.  
> Anyway, if anything about the educational system seems off/unusual - that's because this story is largely based on the system in Germany and like I said my experiences.  
> Also, I'll try to update every monday (or every second monday, idk how I'll be able to continue writing but I'll let you know when I've settled on a schedule!) from now on. 
> 
> Songs you should listen to:  
> Hozier - Someone New  
> Twenty One Pilots - Lane Boy

„That's french, right?"

„Oui.", Delphine smiled. She seemed happy that Cosima had recognized. Her eyes shown in a bright and warm shade of brown. Cosima couldn't remember ever having seen eyes quite like these. She was in complete awe. "Do you speak French?"

"No, sadly not.", Cosima shyly admitted. "I chose Latin in school, ya know? Always have been a science nerd. So I figured it would be a good catch and of some use later on. Probably went about it the wrong way." _How damn wrong I have been._

Finally, Cosima realized that they had just been standing around, talking to each other, instead of collecting their files and cleaning the mess up that she had made. So she bent down to examine the scattered papers in an attempt to figure out which were hers. She sighed. The dreadlocked woman wasn't able to read much on the papers.

"I can understand that." Delphine nodded. Cosima had expected her to be disappointed, but she wasn't. The French woman seemed delighted - though Cosima just couldn't think of a reason why. She was kinda mysterious, hard to read.

Out of the corner of her eye, Cosima could see how Delphine joined her on the floor, looking for her papers as well and also seemingly desperated. But then, she turned her head, facing Cosima with a smile.

"I love science, too. Very much. What's your field?"

"Evo-Devo.", Cosima replied fast with a big grin.

"I… I don't understand. What does that mean?", Delphine asked.

"Evolutionary Development." The woman with the brown hair explained, sporting a sorry smile. Damn, today really wasn't her day. "I always forget that _Evo-Devo_ is only a common slang in the field."

"Ce n'est pas un problem, Cosima." Delphine shook her head with her curls flying around wildly. All her accent and her French made her even more attractive. And the way she had said Cosima's name… The blonde just was very charismatic and had a nice voice. And, well, face. "Evolutionary Development is a very interesting field. I considered choosing it for my major as well, but I settled on immunology. I kinda can't really get into the whole cell-topic, the cells of bacteria are easier to understand. At least for me."

_Oh god. She's gorgeous, French_ and _a scientist. I'm gonna die. R.I.P. me.  
_

"That's impressive as well." Cosima nodded, her eyes fixed on the mess. She had finally managed to find some of her own files amongst the mess and started picking them up as fast as she could. Somehow because she was desperate to leave, somehow because she didn't want to admit that there was this strange feeling she had gotten as soon as she recognized the other woman. "In what semester are you?"

"Finished, actually." Delphine admitted, stroking back some of her blonde curls. "I'm about to start my second dissertation. It's going to be a thesis about autoimmune diseases."

"Wait… your _second?_ ", Cosima's mouth was agape with awe. She never would've guessed that. "So you already got a degree? How old are you? 26 or something?"

"27. But you guessed close.", Delphine didn't seem to mind Cosima's intrusive questions at all. However, the blush on her cheeks gave away that she felt either embarrassed or flattered by her comments and the noticeable awe in the voice of the brown haired woman with the thickly framed glasses.

"Are you maybe, like, the next Darwin or something?", Cosima asked jokingly. As soon as she had spoken, she realized that it wasn't funny at all. Great. "I'm your age and I'm just starting my first. What was your first about?"

"My first dissertation was about the possibilities to enhance the immune system of mammals by cultivating artificial bacteria.", the blonde explained, brushing through her hair with her fingers. Somehow the topic sounded familiar to Cosima.

"Wait… You're Dr. Cormier, aren't you?" her hazel eyes were sparkling with joy. This just couldn't be happening. "I read your thesis. You discovered somethin' really big there, especially for the cure of immune diseases. Like… totally awesome. Even more considering you're so young. I'm impressed that you got the idea."

"I'm not used to people recognizing my work." Now the French woman was blushing _madly._ She sounded almost shy now and her accent seemed to be stronger. It made her seem more human, somehow, and less surreal. Cosima was even more smitten now.

"Man, that sucks.", Cosima sighed, shaking her head. Her dreads flew around. "Because honestly, like I said, it's amazing. And… I know this is a lot to ask, even more considering that I almost ran you into the ground like the idiot I am, but you wouldn't, like, mind helping me out a little? I'm damn sure that you'd be an amazing mentor and I'm not really good at writing thesis."

The last part, Cosima had added jokingly, however the blonde woman laughed and winked at her. For a moment, the brunette's mind went blank because of how suprised she was.

"Well, maybe I'd just do that." Delphine replied with shining eyes. Cosima had never known that brown eyes could look anything like this. Wow. "I've never been run into the ground by such a charmeur."

 

* * *

 

They had continued their little chat for a while until they finished collecting all of their stuff - it took long, even though both of them had worked fast. Cosima had felt like there was some sort of connection already forming between her and Delphine – their talk had sprung from one topic to another so fast, but without seeming forced. It had just come so naturally. Finding someone to talk to like that was hard. It was something special, something that one shouldn't even consider nor pursueing it.

Finally, Delphine had given Cosima her number before she excused herself, typing it into the brunette's phone. When the French had handed her the phone back, the dreadhead could see that the scientist had added a smiley to her name. Lastly, Delphine excused herself with a sorry smile – she had a meeting with her mentor now, just like Cosima had before. Her mentor was Aldous Leekie, a strange guy – tall and lanky, it somehow fit his name. And old, with scaringly young and intelligent eyes and white hair which was slowly going bald. He was a great scientist and educated in many different fields, but nevertheless he gave Cosima goosebumps. There was something, some vibe he gave off... It was scary.

Cosima headed home soon after meeting up with her dealer to get some weed for later (she was glad to have found one on the campus right in her first year. And she had managed to befriend him, what was really useful, considering how much she enjoyed smoking and how expensive it was.)

She was surprised to find the apartment empty. Sarah had left, probably for class or maybe to meet some of her friends, Cosima didn't know. But even though she had looked forward to meeting her roommate again, she was kinda glad to have the flat for herself. She used the chance to prepare dinner while listening to music and singing loudly, which was something that she never did while Sarah was around - Cosima was convinced that her voice didn't sound that well. She probably didn't even hit the notes right. When she was finished with cooking, she sat down with her meal and rolled herself a joint to smoke afterwards. Her movements were professional, skilled - giving away how often she performed this act. They were slow and effective.

After she ate, the small brunette turned on some music, made sure to close the door to the living room and put a scarf on the floor in front of it so the smell of weed wouldn't take over the whole flat. With the joint between her lips, she started brainstorming for the introduction of her thesis.

She would've never thought that this could be so very hard. In her whole time as a student, Cosima had read lots and lots of different studies, so she kinda knew what she had to take into account. It was important that her introduction showed how she got the idea for her thesis and what results she was expecting based on prior findings in the field. She would have to explain the methods and the theory or knowledge behind it easy, but still not over simplyfied or causal So far so good. But how was she supposed to make it sound professional? Cosima really wasn't good at that.

"Ugh, fuck this shit.", she cursed, taking another drag of her joint. She thought about maybe messaging Delphine already, just a few hours after they even met – after all, the French woman had happily taken her request and practically volunteered as her mentor. So the other scientist most likely wouldn't mind. However, she didn't want to make a fool of herself – which she definitely would if she'd ask her too many dumb questions. _I really shouldn't have asked her. I should've asked someone else. Someone… less attractive or something. Maybe someone less French.  
_

While she sat there, still asking herself if she should or shouldn't message the gorgeous blonde about her more or less silly questions, she heard how Sarah came in.

"Oi, Cos, I know that you're there!", was the first thing she heard her flatmate declare from the entrance. "I could even smell your weed before opening the door, you hippie."

"Hi Sarah!", the woman with the dreadlocks replied with a grin, too lazy to get up from the couch. Sarah would come here anyway, Cosima was completely certain of that. "How was your day? Did you go to class?"

"Yeah, actually. I mean... I was awake anyway, so I decided to go to class. I mean, I rarely go, so I figured it wouldn't hurt." Sarah entered the living room, just as predicted, a wide grin plastered on her face. She closed the door behind her as fast as she could, locking the smoke in the room again. The woman with the braided side and wild hair mane used her foot to shove the scarf back to the doorcrack. "Mind to share?"

Cosima giggled. She had known that this question would come. The dreadhead took another drag and handed her flatmate the joint. Normally, Sarah's mood wasn't nearly as good when she attended class – Sarah wasn't the type of person for getting up early in the morning only to waste her time in a big room without windows while some "pretentious know-it-all", as she liked to put it, held a monologue. Today seemed to be unusual - for both of them.

"Is something wrong with you?", Cosima asked in a mockingly worried tone. "Are you getting ill? First, you wake up early in the morning just to fix me some coffee and then you go to class and return in a _good_ mood? Or… are you even my roommate? Maybe you're just a clone and I'm always too busy with being stoned to realize. Or you're an alien! God, I guess I'll have to call Mulder..."

"Nah, man, I'm fine.", Sarah replied with a sly grin, cutting Cosima off before she could go on. "Even though you probably should still cut down your weed consumption. Because _everything_ in here always smells. Surprisingly not the rooms themselves, but the furniture and all contents of my wardrobe."

"I know you don't mean that. Because then you'd actually have to buy some weed yourself. Also, you love the smell - don't try to fool me, Sarah."

"Alright, ya got me." Sarah finally sat down next to Cosima on the couch and put her feet on top of the table. In the beginning, Cosima had tried to get her to stop doing that, but she realized there was no use to that. Sarah did whatever the hell she wanted to do and not even Cosima could get her to stop that. The punk had always been like that and would always stay like this. It was a certain kind of confidence unlike any other she had ever witnessed in anyone else. Which was actually a quality that she admired – Sarah was so stubbornly herself, so unapologetically. She stayed true to herself and always spoke her mind. She was never giving up when she had a goal or to figure out ways to help her friends. It made her the best friend Cosima could ever imagine.

"Now, tell me what's up with your mood." Cosima was a curious person – maybe that was also one of the reasons why she had taken an interest in science. She wanted to know the reasons why for, well, everything. If there was an effect, there had to be a cause. And she made it her personal crusade to get to know and discover as many causes as she could. No matter if scientifc or social. "What happened?"

"Well, I met Shay and Tony in class today.", Sarah started to explain. Shay and Tony were friends of them both, even though Cosima had… some kind of a special relationship with Shay, so to say. Well, occasionally, they fucked – whenever they were both single and in need of relief. Shay turned to Cosima and Cosima turned to Shay in some kind of silent agreement. The two women had never spoken a word about it, always acting like nothing happened. They both knew that they'd never be able to build up something more serious, so they never tried – they both valued their friendship too much, they didn't want a relationship but they valued how they fit together in bed. "And they're organizing a party. The usual, you know – many people, a lot of alcohol and other stuff, music…"

"Sounds great!" Cosima grinned as well. Tony's and Shay's parties where legendary – most of the time, they'd set up their whole stuff in a forest (big speakers, lots of flashing neon lights and fog machines) and then they'd dance the whole night away until their feet hurt while some people decided to take a little nap on the soft, mossy ground. It was what one could call a rave, but it was a little... different.

"The party will be in two months, so yeah, they still need some time to organize.", Sarah explained further, donning such a serious expression that Cosima passed her the joint again. Professional-mode just didn't fit Sarah. Her friend with the wild mane took a deep drag. "Coordinates will follow, probably in a month, so that a lot of people will get the data and hopefully join us. If you like, you can bring a few people – the more the merrier. Just as always."

"Well", Cosima huffed out. She fiddled with her dreadlocks, a nervous habit of hers. Damn, why was there even uni during the summer? "With these plans coming up, I should _really_ start my fucking thesis so that I won't have to stay at home. I don't know if I'll get the chance to meet anyone I could bring."


	4. Breakfast In Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs suggested:  
> Lorde - A World Alone  
> The Knife - Forest Families (and/or Twenty One Pilots - Forest)

After another joint and a long talk with Sarah, Cosima somehow found herself able to concentrate enough to finally work on her dissertation. She started to write the first paragraph of her introduction. But she cut out the opening sentence – that little bastard would come easier to her mind when she had finished the dissertation and written the abstract. She started with a brief introduction into the whole nature-vs-nurture debate, citing different famous studies and explaining different methods in short which were usually used to examine both sides of the debate (she focused, of course, on animal studies, for they better fit her topic). Then, she went over to look through her research on cloning and the alteration of DNA, before bringing both components together in order to explain the idea of her study.

Finally, nearing 3am, she was pleased enough with the page she wrote to call it a night. Her eyes were already burning and dry. She felt like she was about to fall asleep on her keyboard any second now. Cosima got up, streched and prepared herself for bed – the whole procedure. She removed her makeup, revealing tired eyes, before she brushed her teeth and changed into her PJ's.

The girl with the dreadlocks climbed into bed (or rather let herself fall into it, as tired as she was) and plugged her phone into the charger. When she unlocked her display to set her alarm for the following day, she was greeted by Delphine's contact accompanied by that smiley. She sighed, rubbing her tired eyes and set her glasses aside (thankfully, she was shortsighted). Finally, she decided to message the young doctor about her presentation. Maybe the french woman was still awake, and if she wasn't, she surely had her phone on vibrate - so Cosima surely wouldn't wake her. And she would get a little time to mentally prepare for the French woman's answer.

_Hi there!_ Cosima typed. _It's me, Cosima. Sorry for earlier (again)._ _So… I finished the introduction for my thesis, would you mind to, like, proofread? I'm in serious need of advice! Idk, this shit is harder than I thought._

Great. Now she was even rambling over text. She should've waited, at least until tomorrow morning, until she wasn't this high and tired anymore. Well. Cosima put her phone away and – to her own surprise – rather quickly fell into a deep slumber.

 

* * *

 

It was 3:17am when Delphine's phone beeped on her small, tasteful and wooden nightstand with the antique lamp on it. She had spent the entire day on planning her next dissertation – very much to her dislike that had meant to spent a lot of time with Dr. Leekie – and after she had finally lost all creativity, she had gotten into bed and decided on searching for a subject to pick that she'd additionally take for her oral exam, which was a standard procedure. Getting another degree meant she would have to gain more expertise in multiple fields.  
This - the process of picking a subject - turned out to be rather complicated, for she was required to pick something that fit her topic.

She didn't even realize that it had gotten this unbelievably late, until her phone lit up, telling her the time. How fast time could pass sometimes. It was somewhat scary, reminding her of how time was nothing but a mere concept.

Who was messaging her this late, though? Delphine was confused; most of her friends where either at home, in a different time zone and busy with their daily schedule or concentrated on preparing for their next exams which were soon to come up. They didn't message her that often, rarely to never they would text at this time of the night. When she looked at her phone, it only showed her a number. Could that be...?

She unlocked it fast and read the message:

_Hi there!_ _It's me, Cosima. Sorry for earlier (again)._ _So… I finished the introduction for my thesis, would you mind to, like, proofread? I'm in serious need of advice! Idk, this shit is harder than I thought._

Delphine smiled, remembering the small brunette scientist with dreadlocks and glasses that had bumped into her earlier. Somehow, even though they met in an inconvenient way, she had instantly found herself liking the American - maybe even because of how they had met, she couldn't say. But even if, there also was something in her broad grin and her shining, dark brown eyes that felt so kind, so full of love. Cosima had been radiating joy, something that had made Delphine feel all warm and welcome. Like she already knew her and like she knew what a kind person she was. (And Delphine was pretty sure that she would be too kind for this world.)

Quickly, she saved the dreadhead's number in her phone, again with an additional smiley, before she started to type a reply:

_Bon nuit, Cosima! Of course I'll do that – I'll send you my mail address soon. And you haven't yet told me about your topic yet, I'm curious! But I've to ask a favor in return – I just can't decide on a complementary subject and I'd like to ask if you have any ideas? I already have something in consideration. Maybe over a cup of coffee if you like? I think that would be nice. – D_

Delphine wasn't sure why she had written the last part. She didn't recognize herself in it. Usually, she wasn't the up-front type – she was more the type of person that others asked out for coffee, no matter if the person she had encountered was a man or a woman. However, there was some reason why – probably this kindness and joy the other woman was radiating, maybe the way she had flattered her – she was desperate to get to know Cosima.

She decided on waiting for an answer, nothing came until she finally drifted off to sleep, her laptop next to her on her bed and her phone still clutched in her hand.

 

* * *

 

Cosima awoke next morning with a low groan, the tiredness still sat in every part of her body. She just wanted to sleep again, sleep and never ever wake up ever again. Like this tiredness would never leave her. But she obliged and fished around for her phone, turning off the alarm that had woken her slumber and allowing herself to fall into a light sleep again until her second alarm rang. Finally, she gave up and turned on the light above her bed.

As she turned the second alarm off, she was very surprised to find a text from Delphine which had been sent rather shortly after Cosima's text. So the blonde had still been awake as well. With her thumb she unlocked her screen and opened the message. It was… an invitation of the blonde for coffee? Suddenly, she was wide awake, even though her body was still tired – her mind was already buzzing over a reply.

_Sure thing. I love coffee. I'll tell you the topic and you can read the introduction then, if that's okay with you!_ Somehow, the reply seemed stiff but she couldn't think of a better reply. These words seem to form quickly anyway. _And I also haven't decided yet, so I'm rather free all the time haha. So we can, like, meet whenever you'd like to!- C  
_

She pressed _sent_ before she finally convinced herself to get out of bed.

While she fixed coffee for herself and Sarah, repaying her the favor, she suddenly found herself in a good mood. Cosima decided to make pancakes for breakfast and maybe bring them to Sarah's bed – they could have breakfast in bed together. The dreadlocked woman always liked that. The way they would always lightheartedly chatter, still a little tired but in a good mood. How the sun would slowly creep through the window and warm them, until they felt awake and fresh. It was nice.

She started preparing the dough, thinking about how unusual it was that she and Sarah were this close - stuff like that usually only happened rarely. They talked on a daily basis since a few weeks ago, sometimes for hours straight and additionally lived together. But they weren't the slightest bit annoyed by each other (maybe because they still often were alone at home, Cosima figured). They shared a very special kind of friendship, she was sure of that like of nothing else. It felt more like home, like family. It felt as if they were sisters.

When coffee and pancakes were finished, Cosima inhaled the smell of pancake in the air with a smile, then she prepared a tray with the pancakes, coffee mugs and as much of the other stuff that they would need – Cosima would still need to go a second time though – and carried it to Sarah's door, using her elbow to knock awkwardly.

"Cos, what's up?", came a slow and muffled groan from inside. Apparently, Sarah had still been sleeping like usual – and she was a light sleeper, so she probably woke up as soon as Cosima turned on the coffee maker.

"I made breakfast."

"Come in.", Sarah suddenly sounded more delighted then sleepy, even though still audibly tired.

Cosima entered, balancing the tray as graceful as possible. Sarah sat up in bed, wearing a _Deep Purple_ shirt that she loved sleeping in. She wore bandshirts so often that the dreadhead couldn't even imagine her without it. Her dark brown mane was even more impressing now in its untamed state, like the mane of a lion.

"Do I smell pancakes?", Sarah asked with a toothy grin plastered on her face that added to the lion-look. She reminded Cosima of a child on its birthday as well. It made her giggle. She was happy. "Hey, don't laugh at me, geek monkey!"

"I'm not laughing at you!", Cosima laughed again and placed the tray on Sarah's legs, who tried to balance it to not spill any of the coffee. She succceeded.

"Eh, whatever, I don't even care." Sarah bowed down and deeply inhaled the smell of the pancakes. "You made pancakes for me, for at least today you can do whatever shite you wanna do. Ya know, I'm easily convinced."

"Even if I claim some of these pancakes for myself?" Cosima joked with a wink, then leaving the room again – this time for Orange Juice, glasses and Maple-Syrup. The second load would be much easier.

"I would clearly say I have to rethink that again.", Sarah shouted after her. There was a noticeable pout in her voice.

 

* * *

 

While they shared breakfast in Sarah's bed and listened to music, Cosima couldn't keep from looking at her phone again and again. She was hoping for a reply from Delphine and in a fight with herself – should she text her again, excusing herself for just answering now and not earlier? Or maybe because she even sent that text in the middle of the night? Probably she'd annoy the other woman with double text and she'd surely seem very desperate. Cosima absolutely didn't want that.  
The blonde was probably just still asleep for she had been up so late, and here she sat, worrying like crazy, much like someone who's in love for the first time - a little baby-dyke again. _Terrible.,_ she thought.  
And of course, Sarah noticed like a sister would.

"Oi, Cos, you seem, like... kinda off this morning.", Sarah finally said between bites. Well, sometimes even while chewing but she managed to keep her mouth closed somehow. "How long have you been up yesterday, you nerd?"

"Oh, you know, same as always.", Cosima replied gesturing with her hands. She quickly stared down on her plate, shoving around a piece of pancake that was drenched in Syrup already. She felt like a liar, even though she _wasn't_ really lying, was she? It was maybe just because Sarah was able to see right through her.

"So, then you're waiting for something…" Sarah continued her investigation mercilessly, hitting the nail right on the head. She seemed dedicated – her goal was to make Cosima spill her secret, at all costs. Like a police officer. "Maybe a message? Met someone special?"

"If you'd call a mentor for a dissertation _someone special_ , then, yes, I met someone very... uh... special." Cosima pressed out as fast as she could manage. She didn't like it when Sarah got this intruding, it felt like her friend turned into a predator and of course she was her prey. In combination with that mane of hair it was scary.

"There's gotta be more to it." Sarah was noticeably disappointed. She had smelled some gossip for Felix – he loved gossip a lot, and most of all he loved gossip about love (and sometimes fashion, make up and art, depending on his mood. However love was his favourite.)

"Nah, that's it." _Play it cool, Niehaus. Play it cooooool._ "She just promised me to read over my introduction - I'm really not sure how well I did on that - and we wanted to meet for coffee to discuss supplementary subjects. Nothing more about that."

Suddenly, Cosima's phone buzzed again, as if Delphine had sensed that Cosima had been talking about her. She suppressed a smile to not give herself away to Sarah and slowly opened the message, as if she would only be half as interested in the answer as she actually was.

_Bien. And that's totally fine with me. I'm looking forward to it. And… maybe this afternoon? Let's meet at four in front of the NSA building? – D_

_Sounds great. I'll bring my laptop, just in case. So we could read over some passages again that I could improve. – C,_ she hurriedly replied as if she wanted to end this conversation as fast as possible. But the truth was, her day had just gotten even better. If that was somehow possible. She was really excited to meet the blonde, and to finally get to know her opinion on the topic she had chosen and the text she had written so far. Also, her start into the day had been very nice.

"So, what did your mentor say?" Sarah woke Cosima from her thoughts. The girl with the glasses took a while to form a reply because of how jumbled her thoughts were. She hoped that Sarah wouldn't notice it. She felt weird.

"We'll meet over coffee this afternoon. I'll explain her my topic, she'll read my introduction." Cosima just shrug Sarah's comment off as if she was actually bored by the topic. _Please, please be convinced._

"Sounds nice."

Sarah took a sip of her coffee. She seemed satisfied.

Cosima suppressed a sigh of relief.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recomendations:  
> Riptide - Taylor Swift (gave me the right mood)  
> Tame Impala - The Less I Know The Better (background music for the café)

Cosima sprinted up the stairs to the station only to see a glimpse of her streetcar disappearing. She cursed under her breath. _Great, Niehaus. You'll be late._ , she thought, very disappointed of herself. Cosima would fuck up her second impression just like she did her first. Typical. She would have surely been faster, though, if she hadn't been so unable to decide on an outfit to wear. Somehow she had wanted to look as good as possible, but also not like she was obviously trying to do so. In short, it had taken her quite a while. As well as how she put extra care to her makeup.

She tried not to stress herself further, for it would not give her any advantage. She'd have to sprint to the building now, so Cosima had to save up her energy for then instead of wasting it on fussing around. She got out her earphones and turned on some music, letting her thoughts drift off.

 

* * *

 

 

Delphine stood in front of the NSA-building. Impatiently she took another look at her phone – it was 04:15pm already, the brunette was late. If she wouldn't come in a few minutes, Delphine decided, she would leave. The french felt letdown somehow, as if she had been stood up on a date. Which she had never been, for that matter… But anyway, there was no need for feeling this way, no reason. Because them meeting over a cup of coffee just _wasn't a date at all._

When she looked up again, she suddenly spotted a woman in a red coat sprinting in her direction. She had brown hair that flew behind her in thick strands and Delphine recognized her to be Cosima. As she got nearer, she could see her expression – the other woman seemed to be deeply sorry. Her brown eyes seemed very similar to those of a puppy.

Finally, she arrived by Delphine's side, obviously out of breath. A slight blush had crept upon her cheeks and her big, black framed glasses were slightly crooked. Her hair seemed wild. It was really cute, in a way.

"I'm… I'm really so sorry.", the American panted and came to an halt. Delphine found herself unable to be mad at her anymore. "I missed my first streetcar – like I was so close, you wouldn't believe it – and had to wait for fifteen minutes… and then I had to sprint here. It was terrible and totally not on purpose. Even though I'm late often - and often sorry!"

Delphine had to laugh. The blonde didn't know why, but she just had to. Sure, she had been about to turn mad when Cosima hadn't been on time. There was this strange sensation that she tried to forget.

"It's totally fine, Cosima!" She said with a smile and kissed the brunette's cheeks. "I'm just glad you came. It's really great to see you again this soon after we met."

When she finally had finished her French greeting, Delphine looked at Cosima's face again, drawn in by her brown eyes. Was she imagining things, or did the blush on the brunette's face intensify? Non, she was going crazy, hallucinating.

 

* * *

 

 

Cosima was slowly getting anxious. They had arrived at a small café half an hour ago, and after ordering she had finally started to explain her topic to Delphine – while they had been on their way, they had been busy with the usual kind of small talk. Of course it had been a perfect opportunity for Cosima to crack a few jokes, which had made the blonde laugh multiple times, to Cosima's joy. Fooling around was something she was surprisingly talented at.

But now, it was really getting serious. Too serious for her liking, she had to admit. Delphine seemed genuinely amazed and interested in her topic and when their drinks had arrived, she had started to read Cosima's introduction, occasionally taking a sip from her cup. Her blonde locks were now, for once, not hanging in her face though – she had put them into a surprisingly beautiful bun. The dreadhead supposed it had to be some kind of French hairdo maybe?

And now, here she sat and blankly stared down at her cup which she tightly clutched in her hands. Cosima felt like they were about to shake a little when she would stop gripping on the cup with this much force. She just wasn't sure how her mentor would react – if she thought it to be at least a little decent or if it was, like, really terrible. The brunette hadn't spent much time on it, so this wouldn't surprise her. She had to also consider though that the topics she had to explain were her strong ones… She couldn't deny it. Cosima hoped of course for it to not be bad at all.

After what seemed like an eternity – Cosima had gone back from staring at her cup to staring at Delphine's face, which was admittedly _much_ worse on her nerves –, Delphine finally averted her hazel brown eyes from the screen in front of her. Before Cosima had the time to form a thought, she realized that there was now, in this natural light, a dominating shade of a lighter brown. Her eyes seemed to be slightly fawn.  
They sat in silence for a while and the French eyed Cosima up and down. It somehow made the brunette feel… naked? In a weird way, admittedly. Then the other woman finally spoke.

"It's really good in my opinion.", Delphine smiled slightly. Was there some hint of… admiration maybe? "I like your explanations; they're well-structured and easy to follow. And it's obvious how convinced you're of your topic. You describe it in a way that already makes you believe in it, even though you don't have any evidence yet. It has heart without being unprofessional. It's catching and unique, surprisingly so."

Cosima didn't know what to say at first. She felt herself overwhelmed by the very honest seeming opinion that the young Dr. gave. She would've never thought herself to be any good at this, but now she turned out to exceed at it. Delphine's words were so positive, full of approval. It was hard for the dreadlocked woman to process.

"Uh, I didn't expect that.", she whispered shyly. Cosima couldn't keep her eyes focused, they darted around. And was there a blush creeping up her cheeks? But she was _never_ shy. It was an entirely new sensation for her, something unknown. And the biologist found herself not liking it _at all_. It was terrible. "But I guess it makes things better for me than I thought they could ever be. I can start early, which will allow me to work longer on the actual experiment. It will enable me to collect more results."

"And additionally they make my job a lot easier, c'est superb. Trés bon.", Delphine replied. She now donned a charming, playful grin. It suited her way too good for Cosima's liking and damn, it also made the brunette's knees a little weak even though she wasn't even standing. Oh damn, fuck this shit. "I think I made a good choice with deciding to be your mentor. I'll probably learn more because of it than you, in some way… You are rather inspiring, Cosima. If I'm allowed to say that."

"How that?" The woman with the glasses was startled. She quickly took a sip of her coffee to calm and distract herself from looking at Delphine's face.

"Well, I told you that I still have to decide on a supplementary subject, non?", Delphine mirrored Cosima, sipping her coffee. However, there was something in her eyes. She seemed to be calculating something. "I'm now considering EvoDevo, because of, you know, retroviruses – I thought about maybe comparing them to autoimmune diseases, or maybe even rather focusing on them in my upcoming project, for they are very special. I'd have to talk about that to Dr. Leekie first, of course, but I'll message you about how it turns out. If I should do it."

"Well, I didn't see that coming, like, at all.", Cosima laughed. She felt a little wave of insanity wash over her – the way Delphine had said _EvoDevo_ with her French accent was so adorable. It was noticeable that she had just learned it. "And I've gotta admit that I've been considering your field as well. Which is funny. I considered it because, like I'll mention in the second part of my introduction, cloned organisms are prone to immune diseases of all kinds. It would be a great help in analyzing my results. How should I write something useful about immune and autoimmune diseases if I don't know anything about it? Not a good catch, if you ask me."

Suddenly, Delphine burst into laughter. It was charming and so… kind, in a way. It was ladylike but natural.

"I wouldn't only be your mentor then, I'm also doing the seminar.", she explained with a grin and winked. "It will be a little weird, for I know you in private, but I think it's a very good idea. You should totally do it."

"Oh, that's something I guess." Cosima donned her brightest smile. Time had come for her to be as charming as possible – she was fighting the French with her own weapons know. "And I'd gladly volunteer to help you out with EvoDevo – I'm not a tutor or anything, I'm way too, like, unprofessional for that, but if you like the way I explain things, then it might actually be of use. And you don't mind me being casual as far as I can tell."

Delphine sipped her coffee again, blissfully. She seemed to know how to enjoy things, which made her even more likeable. Enjoying the moment was a skill that most had to learn with the years. Cosima was now the one to mirror her and she tried to revel in the sensation just like the French woman had done. She was one of those that were still learning, yet she found herself able to get a bit of the same enjoyment out of it. Suddenly, the dreadhead's stomach felt warm – she decided to attribute that to the coffee.

"That sounds like a good deal." Delphine nodded, she seemed to be genuinely pleased with both herself and Cosima. Then she looked at her phone with a look in her eyes that the brunette just couldn't define. "Uh… you know, this might be a weird favor to ask, but in about twenty minutes, Dr. Leekie will do a presentation on one of his most famous works. I don't know much about him, and I'd like to know as much as possible to understand who is… how do you say it?"

Delphine's expression seemed disappointed at herself for not finding the right word. As if it was a failure. Her accent again stood out more – this phenomenon seemed to be connected to strong emotions, the dreadhead concluded.

"About to judge you? To grade your work?" Cosima offered reassuringly. The blonde's eyes brightened.

"Oui, c'est la.", she nodded, seemingly pleased and probably trying to memorize the words. "That's exactly what I meant. So I wanted to ask if you'd like to, euh, go there with me. So we can both evaluate him and discuss the different things we noticed. It will be less biased like that, less subjective."

Cosima had to admit that she didn't like Leekie at all. He was just so strange. And if that wasn't enough already, he had these fucking strange groupies – the freeky-Leekies. To Cosima, he didn't even seem like a real scientist, but more like an actor. A performer trying to get himself on stage and to impress people. Nothing more. However…

"Okay, I'll join you.", Cosima replied, not sure what had gotten into her. She didn't want to go at all! Why had she said that? "But I can't promise that I'll pay attention and if I won't, I'll _definitely_ talk a lot. If that isn't a problem for you…"

"Mais, non!" Delphine exclaimed with a grin. "It's great. With you I won't get bored _."_


	6. Incroyable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs I'd suggest:  
> Bosnian Rainbows - Eli  
> P!ATD - Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

The presentation was… not at all how Cosima would have imagined it to be. Like ever. Even though she also wasn't really surprised by how it finally turned out as well. It was confusing as hell.

The rather large room in which the presentation was held had already been darkened when they arrived at the scene, the chairs had been arranged to neatly create a big half circle with multiple rows. Cosima couldn't say how many it were. Several lights had been placed in the first row, right in between the chairs. They were facing towards a reader's desk in the middle of the half circle but still emitting enough light so that one could easily find a seat. But also not enough to enlighten the entire room. It was… just as spooky and futuristic as the scientist wanted to be who would soon be to talk. Leekie. The room seemed to be almost black and white, so little light reached the back. It seemed to be the Dr.'s thing.

Cosima and Delphine had taken seat in the front row, much to the dreadheads dislike. She would have preferred to sit further away from the ominous Dr. Lanky who had rather young and bright eyes for his age. There was something in them that made the brunette very uncomfortable – they were cold and hard and there was an emotionless intelligence in them that made him seem somewhat cruel. Like he wasn't really human. And there was this expression of superiority on his face as he mustered the people who slowly gathered in the room, filling the empty seats. As if he were above them. But she wasn't sure what to say. The brunette with the glasses just tried to swallow the feeling.

"He's kinda creepy.", Cosima whispered while she leaned over to the blonde with the curly locks next to her. Swallowing the feeling hadn't worked. Also, she was kinda anxious around Delphine. "He's not just Lanky-Leekie, he's also Creepy-Leekie."

The french woman smiled, however she didn't really seem amused by the other woman's comment. The smile just didn't reach her beautiful eyes. It was more of a polite smile. It was distanced.

"Well, he's a very successful and unique scientist and he knows it." She replied with a shrug. As if this was something that Cosima would've had to suspect before. The brunette suddenly felt like a naive child even though she was the same age as the French. "There is nothing wrong with being confident, I believe, non? I think his attitude is one of the reasons why his works are so famous. It's his charme."

Cosima didn't really know what to say now. Delphine was right, at least kinda, even though she didn't manage to convince her of her arguments. But she understood her – the French scientist just tried to maintain a positive opinion of him in order to be able to work with him in a good climate. Also, maybe this different perspective also made more sense. After all, many people liked his theories.

Finally, after the scientists had sat in silence for a while, all the seats were filled. A few more minutes passed and there were only whispers in the audience. Maybe because of the mood the light created. Then, slowly the whispering becaume less and less audible. The last few whispers faltered fast as Leekie entered with long and somehow even elegant steps. The man mustered the audience closely.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." He spoke. His voice was loud and clear even without a microphone. It was impressive, even more because his voice was low and soft in a way as well. "I'm very glad that you all decided to come this evening. And in these masses… I didn't expect that every seat would be filled, I thought the university had overestimated it... but it's great that so many people take an interest in my theory, for it's highly unconventional, at least to most people. But who knows, maybe that's why some of you even came here today."

He made a pause to make sure that everyone was intently listening and providing him with undivided attention. His pose made obvious that he demanded it. Then, the slowly turning bald man opened the first page of his slide. His eyes were calm. It made him seem cold and calculating - they gave Cosima goosebumps.

" _Neolution._ For many people, it's a joke.", Aldous Leekie continued, waving his tall and slender hand. It was boney and seemed dead. At least to the brunette. "They don't believe in it. And because they aren't ready to _believe,_ they are willing to ignore the facts. They close their eyes to it. Even though they might be right that Neolution is, at least now, just a vision, they are wrong to reject the entire theory. Because in the future, maybe even in a very soon up-coming future, Neolution will not only be possible, but just as logical and natural as the fact that our planet is revolving around the sun.

"Now, I do not plan to solely convince you of my theory by speaking big and empty words and making claims that everybody could. It's just a cheap trick and I'm not playing tricks. I'll introduce you to the concept of Neolution, by first explaining the mere idea behind it and then providing you with evidences for the fact that Neolution is not just an unconventional theory but in fact our future. A different future.

"Is anyone in here already familiar with the concept and would like to explain it for me?"

The presentation took around two hours- much longer than anyone had probably thought. Cosima was surprised, though, that it didn't feel like an eternity. Even though she didn't like Leekie nor his ideas, she had to admit that he was really good at this and that Delphine had in fact been right. And somehow, his crazy theory even made some kind of sense, which was something she didn't plan on admitting. He did have some evidence, but not nearly enough.

She was still really damn glad, however, when he finally was finished with his monologue and she could get up from her uncomfortable seat and stretch her limbs that had gotten stiff due to the plastic chairs in the hall. Cosima blinked a few times, her eyes finally adjusting to the more dim light now that she was looking away from the enlightened area.

"So, what do you think?", Delphine finally asked shyly while they were slowly making their way over to the exit.

"Well… It's just like he said in the beginning. His theory _is_ very unconventional. But not in the way I expected it to be.", the brunette replied after a brief pause to put her thoughts into an order and then into words. Her mind was jumbled. "Like, he's not wrong at all. I'm not saying that. There is no way in denying the evidences he had. However, … I think the conclusions he draws from it are wrong. They're way too stiff, just like him. I mean, come on – just because Neolution is possible and could maybe one day make us immortal… create _a better human_ … it doesn't necessarily mean that it's our future and that it's really bound to happen. Nor that our evolutionary development had the goal to make us the ones to direct it further. We don't know about possible unwanted side effects. This would need so much testing – many people and animals would have to suffer and pay the price for intervening in it. I don't even want to think about it."

"Yes, I'd agree on that.", Delphine nodded, lost in thought. Her eyes were unfocused. "Some aspects of his theory are unethical. And I don't think – or rather hope – that we humans are selfish enough to sacrifice our ethics… They are something we value so highly and pride ourselves in. But there's a lot to his theory that in fact doesn't disrupt ethics nor would it result in creating a better human. At least not directly. Thing of the mechanical eye he showed us. It would improve technology and offer us new opportunities for prosthetics and even more."

"Nah, I think we should all stay really fuck ass far away from Neolution." Cosima looked to the ground. It made speaking easier. Her mind was racing and it was hard for her to keep track. "Because well, I think that he's right. Once we've taken the step into the direction of Neolution, there won't be any possibility to go back, we can only stand still or go further. And humans don't wanna acknowledge where their limits are – we are a species that likes to push as far as we can go, no matter if it's good or bad for us. And once we were able to push a limit, pass another border, we'll continue to push it further, until we create a mess that can't be undone. Just think of global warming for example. And I kinda really fear that it's the same with Neolution. It's so real, the thought of it scares me already."

For a moment, there was a silence between them which was surprisingly comfortable, even though they had just discussed serious topics right before. Cosima didn't found herself wondering about the outcome of this any further – she was just content and peaceful because of the blonde by her side. The dreadhead was glad that she finally had found someone who shared her immense passion in science (well, someone who wasn't Scott or well, was a woman – sadly those were rare). It felt great to discuss with the young Dr. Cormier, for she was just as intelligent as she was pretty.

"For someone as optimistic as you seem to be, your opinion of mankind is rather… dark. You are a really interesting person, chérie."

"I'm not really an optimist, nor is my opinion dark.", Cosima shrugged. "I'm a realist. With sometimes a preference for the bright side of things, maybe because of that I don't actually think mankind is terrible, I just think it's too curious for its own good. Myself included. Not only included, I'm one of the best examples. And this is what will cause our downfall."

When they left the room, they were greeted by people giving out wine. Cosima was now able to make out a few of the professors working in the faculty, as well as some of her fellow students. Of course her friends weren't here, they shared Cosima's opinion on the topic of Neolution as well as her dislike for Dr. Leekie. They would rather write two exams on the same day then visit one of his lectures.  
Some of the people in the room were easily recognizable as _Freeky-Leekies_ – they all wore a single white contact lens or had bright blonde hair which was obviously dyed. Cosima wondered why this was the case. She didn't really wanna know thought. She would prefer to forget that she ever came here in the first place.

Shortly after they had entered the hallway, Leekie followed close behind. Cosima knew even before he spoke that he was there, for his presence alone had given her goosebumps.

"Dr. Cormier!", the male voice behind them spoke. He sounded surprised, delighted and as professional as before, putting up an exterior that she hardly could interpret at all. "I'm really glad that you came today to evaluate my work. I hope that you aren't disappointed by it."

They both turned around to greet the strange old man. Cosima introduced herself and Leekie mustered her closely, just like he had done with the entire audience before. His eyes were knowing, as if he could see something in her, that she wasn't even aware of. It spooked her out.

"So you are Ms. Niehaus.", the lanky man nodded approvingly. The brunette hated that she had to look up at him. "Dr. Nealon just told me about you and your project, for he knew that I'd be interested in it. It's unusual and well, I'm always in for the unusual and already looking forward to read your results – maybe you'll even find a new method to make cloning more efficient, how great could that be? I wouldn't be surprised. The idea you had for your thesis spoke for itself, if I dare say that. There is passion behind it."

They chattered for a while. Delphine and Leekie did most of the talking, while Cosima kept silent. Which was quite unusual, but always happened when she was, like, really uncomfortable. She just wished for this encounter to be over already. Even more because she didn't like the way Leekie looked at Delphine at all. There was something predatory about it making it obvious that he was somewhat into the French (well, he was almost devouring her with his eyes, but she tried to talk it down). Of course, Cosima asked herself why she didn't like it – if it was just because the strange neolutionist was such an old man prying on a young woman or if it was because she wanted Delphine for herself, if that made any sense. If the latter was true, Cosima realized with a sense of guilt, then she'd have to be just as critical with herself as she was with Leekie. After all, she didn't have more of a right to look at the beautiful Dr. in such a predatory way then Leekie had. And Delphine wasn't just a piece of meat, she was a person. She didn't deserve to be reduced to her exterior or her achievements. The blonde was more.

When they were finally able to de-attach themselves from Leekie (thanks to his groupies), the dreadhead with the glasses felt herself relax. As soon as the old man had left, Cosima breathed out in relief, Delphine's expression mirroring hers.  
The scientist let her thoughts drift for a while; they shared another moment of comfortable silence. Suddenly, Cosima had an idea. A smirk slowly crept across her face, then she grabbed Delphine's hand and quickly pulled her over to the table where the wine bottles were kept. The blonde looked at her questioningly, but she didn't say a word. She just went along with it. Well, until Cosima snatched one of the bottles – it was a fairly expensive wine – and stuffed it under her coat before anyone noticed it.

"Cosima!", she whispered, seemingly shocked. "Put it back. You can't do this!"

"I have a better idea." Cosima's smirk hadn't left her face for a second. If so, there had appeared this gleam in her eyes that made her seem even slyer. "Let's leave. But not running. If we act like everything is normal, nobody will notice. If we run like chickens, they'll stop as."

"You're… unbelievable. Incroyable. "

"Aw, man, shit, I know. Thanks for the compliment though. It's the way I take it.", Cosima laughed. She slowly turned towards the door. When she started walking to make sure that Delphine was staying close behind. "I maybe should've warned you that I'm a bad influence, I'm sorry."


	7. Summer Wine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recomended songs:
> 
> P!ATD - Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time (gave me the right mood, same song like last chapter)  
> P!ATD - Girls/Girls/Boys

Delphine lit a cigarette as soon as they left the building. Cosima couldn't help but stare at her lips when the other woman placed the cigarette butt between them. They were full and had a nice color, even though the blonde was obviously not wearing lipstick.  
Or at the way her blonde locks fell in her face and framed it when she bowed her head down in order to lit it.  
Damn, why was she so attractive? And never the less probably as straight as someone just can be? Got damn, why were her type always the straight looking girls?  
She took a drag and put her lighter away, her eyes darting back to Cosima's face.

"Would you like one as well?", she asked with a smile and took a drag. _Shit, she must have realized that I was staring. Oh my goodness._

"Nah, I don't smoke.", Cosima replied with a shrug and averted her gaze. She freed the bottle of wine from her coat – now that they were out of sight, there was no reason to hide it anymore. "Well, I smoke, yes. But only pot."

"Eu, excusé moi, what do you smoke? I never heard about that.", Delphine asked, her brows narrowed in confusion. Cosima had figured this much – Delphine just wasn't the type of person to smoke weed. She probably didn't even know what it smelled like.

"You know… Cannabis, Marijuana, Ganja…", Cosima gesticulated, her eyes still on the ground. Finally she got the courage to look up.

"Ah, I know that.", Delphine's face lit up. She seemed genuinely happy to learn new vocabulary, even though it wasn't exactly the kind of vocabulary that one would call _useful._ And certainly not something she would ever use, actually. "I never tried that. What's it like?"

This question was difficult and unexpected. Cosima needed a moment to think about that - she never had been asked this question before. She rarely ever met someone who didn't at least try it once and those who didn't knew enough to not want to try it. A moment which stretched out even longer because the blonde was staring at her, her brown and intense eyes not leaving Cosima the entire time. It made her really nervous. Cosima tried to attribute it to the fact that the other woman was so beautiful and shoved the possibility away that it was because she was in fact starting to crush on her.  
 _Rule number one, don't fall for the straight girls!_ , she scolded herself. _Aren't you too old for this yet?_

"It's hard to describe.", she finally decided that this would be the best answer and left a brief pause before she continued. "It depends on the type of plant and the breed... There are some that are uplifting, help you to focus and be creative – Sativa – and some strains which are causing relaxation, stress relief and so on – Indica. Depending on the type of plant and the strain, it's… completely different. Also, it depends on how concentrated the contents are, There's no way to generalize, really."

"Oh, I didn't know that.", Delphine seemed honestly surprised and even somewhat fascinated, interested.

"Well, if you'd like that… we could smoke together some day? If you're interested?", Cosima offered with a shrug. She _loved_ making people high who had never smoked pot before. Of course, she'd never ever force someone to – hell, how dumb would that even be, to waste some good weed on someone who wouldn't appreciate it when she could smoke and enjoy it by herself? – but it was so… interesting to see how people reacted differently and how they adjusted to the substance. "I could tell you a little more about the different strains and then you can pick the one you want to try? I know enough people to offer you a fine selection."

"My, you _really_ are a bad influence!", Delphine laughed so loud that it took Cosima by surprise. Her laugh was beautiful, melodic and clear. It fit her. "But yes, I'd like that. I think it's interesting and worth some… scientific research. I think it's important to collect experiences."

"And you'll be the test subject in this scientific study?", Cosima grinned. "Well, for good research we would need a larger sample... But yeah, I'm totally looking forward to it! But until then… would you maybe care for a glass of wine? I got a bottle and it would be a shame to drink it all on my own, don't you think?"

 

* * *

 

Since that weekend, around a month had passed.  
Cosima had started her work in the lab, so she didn't have that much to write about – the introduction to her methods had been written fast and now the only thing she had to do was write down notes on how the whole experiment evolved.  
She had met Delphine sometimes again over coffee and they used to talk about how their projects were going and read each other the parts they'd already written. They didn't meet that often though, much to Cosima's dislike. But occasionally, they'd bump into each other in the hallway and have a small talk – it always made Cosima's day.

It didn't take her long to recognize that she was feeling some kind of attraction towards the blonde (because well, how _couldn't_ she?) but she realized that she was forming a bond with her. The dreadlocked woman knew that they'd share a wonderful friendship which was of too much value to be sacrificed over some dumb attraction. Cosima was even happy about it, in a weird way. She liked the idea of having the blonde around for long, even though she would never be able to really have her. It made having her seem less… important and alluring.

Cosima looked into her microscope. On the object slide, she could watch how the cells she took from one of the fertilized ovaries multiplied. She wrote it down and looked through it again. She would do a DNA analysis later that day, to see if her modifications and the whole complex were still intact. This phase was, even though it was kinda boring, crucial. Because in this phase DNA was usually very prone to mutation while they were forming a new organism. If there would now evolve a mutation, she would have to abort the entire cell-line and start anew, or, if she couldn't fix her mistake, even leave it out entirely. Which would narrow down her groups to a pair of two, one experimental and one only as a control (meaning not manipulated clones).

But so far, all of the cells of each group seemed to evolve without any disruptions. Cosima decided to see it as a good omen for her project. Or at least she hoped so.

 

* * *

 

Delphine flipped through the pages of one of the books. She'd use it as a help for her introduction. This time, it had been rather difficult to write it – she wasn't that familiar with retroviruses and their exact development as she needed to be. Mainly because she had to dig deeper into the topic of evolution, DNA and its reproduction. _I should've just asked Cosima, merde._ , the blonde thought. She had really wanted to, but somehow found herself hesitating. She couldn't get rid of the feeling that she was bothering the dreadlocked woman and Cosima was just too nice to tell her. Or maybe that she'd think of the french as dumb. And the brunette was probably too busy with her on project at the moment anyway.

She scribbled down a few more notes and finally finished the paragraph. With a sigh of relief, she closed the book and decided to take a break. She deserved it anyway, for she had spent half of her day completely focused on the book. Her hand even hurt from taking notes. Her stomach growled, reminding her that she hadn't eaten yet as well. Delphine was in need of a good meal and afterwards a cup of coffee and a cigarette. There was a tiredness in her bones that she needed to get rid of.

When she left her small lab, she locked the door twice. She left the building as fast as she could and went to the canteen on the campus.  
Delphine sat alone, eating her lunch. All of her friends were on vacation right now, some were already finished and working, others had changed universities. At first, it had felt strange to be alone, to not have anyone to talk to over lunch. But she had gotten used to it fast. The blonde didn't really mind it though she had to admit that the food somehow didn't taste as good when she ate it alone.

Afterwards, Delphine returned her tray and proceeded as planned. She got herself a cup of coffee and went outside. The weather was quite nice – she didn't feel cold at all in her white tank top. Her skin tight black jeans where even a little too hot. When she lit her cigarette, she savored the first drag. The blonde was content with the nice weather and her now filled stomach. The break felt like a personal blessing to her.

She felt a little pang in her heart when she finally convinced herself to go back to work. It was a shame to waste such a beautiful day like this one locked away in a tiny lab with books while time passed so fast that it made her head spin. But it needed to be done and the earlier she was finished, the earlier she'd be able to put days like this one to a better use.

Delphine nearly rushed back to her office. The further she was away from the temptation of going back and procrastinating, the better. Suddenly, she caught a weird smell. It was a familiar one, even though she couldn't remember where or when she'd smelled it before. It was heavy, aromatic and a little bit fruity as well? Only a few seconds after that, she could make out footsteps behind her. The french woman turned around, only to see Cosima with a wide grin plastered across her face walking over to her.

"Hi, Delphine.", she waved. It was kinda cute. "Long time no see. How are things going?"

The blonde hesitated. Should she tell Cosima about her struggles? She'd be able to finish sooner, probably, if she did so. And now was the perfect moment.

"Oh, rather good.", she lied instead. However, the smile she donned was honest. Delphine was glad that she met her. It made going back to work seem rather appealing. "I'm currently reading a book about retroviruses and their evolution, which is a huge help."

"Yeah, sounds good.", Cosima nodded approvingly with a lazy smile. Was Delphine imagining things, or were Cosima's eyes a little reddened? Had she been crying? "If you need anything, don't hesitate to hit me up, yeah?"

"I will." And another lie _. Damn, what's wrong with me? Why am I acting so weird around her?_ "What about you? Have you already fertilized your cells?"

"Yeah, they're growing so fast, I feel like a proud mother watching her babies grow up.", the dreadhead laughed. "I just brought a few cells to my friend Scott, he's running a DNA analysis for me. I'm glad I don't have to do it alone, it's a pain in the ass."

"Is that even allowed?", Delphine raised her brow in mock skepticism.

"Nah, not really. But you know, like I said, I'm not a fan of rules.", Cosima paused for a moment, mustering Delphine up and down. She felt her cheeks burn nearly as hot as the other woman's gaze on her. "You won't rat me out, now, won't you?"

"Of course not!", the blonde almost stumbled over her words. Then she realized that the strange smell she had caught a few moments ago was still lingering, it even came from the brunette. "Euh, excusé moir, but what is that strange smell?"

Now Cosima was bellowing with laughter while Delphine was turning beet red. So much to the brunette thinking she was dumb. Great.

Then, the other woman leaned closer to her, standing on the tip of her toes, until their faces were so close that Delphine could feel her breath on her face, on her lips and was even slightly taken aback by the aromatic, heavy smell that seemed to stick to Cosima's hair like it had been glued to it. But maybe her head was swimming because of the brunette's close proximity as well. The French woman decided not to think about it.

" _You know… That's weed._ ", Cosima whispered and winked at her with a crooked, sly smile that soon turned into a cheeky grin. Suddenly, the blonde found herself unable to think properly, only regaining that ability when Cosima leaned back again.

"Cosima!", Delphine blurted out, covering her lips with her hand. Then, she added with a whisper " _You're high right now? How can you even work on your project? What are you doing?_ "

"You know… I just practiced a lot."

The blonde couldn't help but grin at that comment.


	8. Old Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains graphic descriptions of blood, if you don't like that, skip until after the first break!  
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Songs I suggest for this chapter:  
> Twenty One Pilots - Goner/Son of Rust - I Hate The Way I Feel

When Cosima fell asleep that night, she had a nightmare.  
It had been long since her last one, she had almost forgotten what they were like, until she awoke drenched in her own sweat, her heart hammering in her chest and panting. Her whole body was shaking. For a moment, she was just confused, until all the images flooded back in.

_She was standing in a small kitchen with plain and empty white walls. There was only a small fringe, a stove and a small cupboard. The entire room was filled with plants but all their leafs were brown, shriveled up. Lifeless. Just like the whole room seemed to be, covered in dust and spider webs. As if nobody was living here, as if nobody had been living here for ages.  
In front of the kitchen sink stood _ another woman _, with_ her _back facing towards Cosima._ She _was taller than her, with shoulder length black hair that lacked volume and had very obviously been dyed and straightened too many times. It was just as dead and dry as the plants._

_The other_ woman _was speaking to her, but Cosima just couldn't understand what_ she _was saying. It sounded like_ she _was under water, or too far away to make out a single word._

_Suddenly,_ she _turned around, but before Cosima could look into_ her _face, she felt a heavy pressure on her chest and was unable to breathe. In the same second, the ground started shaking, violently. Cosima lost balance. Her knees hit the ground, hard. The ground just kept shaking, stronger and stronger, until it disappeared below her._

_And then, there she was, falling and falling, the pressure never leaving her chest. It seemed to sink into it, through her skin and her ribs. It felt like a wolf tearing open her flesh, crushing her bones between its teeth like they were nothing but sticks. Cosima screamed, she screamed at the top of her lungs, until the pressure reached her heart, clinging to it and she suddenly couldn't scream anymore. All she felt was cold, a cold that was spreading in her chest, crawling into her arms and legs, slowly but surely. She tried to close her eyes, well aware of what would happen next, but she couldn't. She just couldn't close her eyes. She never could. Oh god, why, why, why…_

_There was blood, blood everywhere – on her hands, her clothes, streaming out from the hole in her chest and raining down from above. But she couldn't feel it on her skin, she couldn't feel its warmth, the only thing she felt was cold. She was dying, oh fuck, she was bleeding out, it was –_

Her breath hadn't even nearly calmed down yet when her door swung open and even in the darkness, she could barely make out Sarah's mane in the doorframe. Cosima must have screamed in her sleep, she concluded. Sheoften did that when her nightmares returned. What they usually didn't

Neither of them said a word. Sarah just sad down on her bed, wrapping her tightly in her arms, while Cosima cried and cried until she fell back asleep, this time in a dreamless slumber.

 

* * *

 

When she awoke again, this time because of her alarm, she saw that Sarah was gone. This meant that she had at least stayed awake until Cosima had fallen back to sleep or that she had already gotten up. Whatever the case might be, she couldn't help but feel bad about it, like she always did when she had those dreams, because whenever they occurred, Sarah would be by her side until she felt better. It was always the same – she'd hold her, not saying a word, until the worst was over. She wouldn't ask any questions either. Sarah let Cosima keep some of her secrets.  
Sarah didn't know what Cosima's nightmares were about. She had never asked about that, not even the next morning when Cosima was calm again. She just waited for Cosima to tell her. But she just couldn't talk about it.  
A year ago, these dreams had occurred more frequently. Cosima had awoken almost every night and so had Sarah. When it had happened the first time, they both had been confused, but Cosima soon realized that she had to be screaming in her sleep. She wondered what her screams sounded like but at the same time, she was glad that she didn't know. The nightmares were bad and brutal - she felt like dying. Which would probably be noticeable in her screams.

When she left her room, she found a sticky note that Sarah had placed right in the middle of the fringe door:

_So the nightmares are back, huh? I dunno, Cos, but that doesn't seem good at all. Maybe you should consider seeing a therapist? It might help finding out why you're always having them in the first place. In case you don't know that._  
Don't wake me, not even with breakfast. You won't be able to bribe me this time, sucker.  
Have a nice day, asshole.  
PS: ya know, Cos, whatever it is, you can talk to me as well. I'm always there for you, nerd.  


Cosima smiled down at the note, both happy and sad. Happy, because she had such a good friend – or more such a good sister (even though that sister hid behind insults to not give away how much she cared, which of course Cosima realized anyway) – and sad because… Well, she knew what her nightmares were about. She knew and she just didn't want to think about it anymore and she certainly didn't want to talk about it – neither to a friend nor a therapist. The only thing that was confusing, though, was the question why they came back. Cosima had thought that she was over it, that she had forgotten about it. Healed. But seemingly, she was wrong. There was something, anything, that was tearing at her mental scars and she just didn't know why.  
_Let's hope this was only a one-time-thing, okay?,_ she tried to assure herself _. Maybe I just had a bad day? Or maybe I just thought about it subconsciously? No reason to freak out yet._

However, no matter what the reason was, she was glad that this time she had awoken before the worst part started. Before she would see _her_ again, just like that day when _she_ …  
Cosima decided not to think about it, hoping the decision alone would be enough to keep the images out of her dreams as well. It seemed so odd to her that they were haunting her again. Of all things, she would have never ever expected that to happen. But she should have known that there was no way to run from her own past.

However, her day had already been ruined, no matter what she would try to do from now on.

When she went to university in order to continue on her project and get the results of the DNA analysis not even the good weather could cheer her up. The warm sun on her skin didn't make her feel alive and she wasn't even sure if she was even able to have emotions now… However, there was this tingling sensation in her bones, a feeling that she just couldn't shake off. She felt cold and tired. And a little scared.

She got her data from Scott as fast as possible, not in the mood to have a chat with him like usual. He looked very worried, his dark eyebrows cocked in a way that accentuated his big puppy eyes behind his rather thick glasses but he didn't say anything. He had probably been too shy, as always – he didn't want to bother anyone ever. Even more when the person he could bother was a female.

Then, Cosima got in her office as fast as she could, left the lights off and locked the door behind her. She only switched on the small light on her desk and begun with her work. She was so focused and concentrated that she couldn't think about anything else, succesfully blocking out the outside world as well as all the thoughts on her mind.

 

* * *

 

Delphine had finally, after many times of rewriting and correcting sentences, finished writing her introduction. She had actually planned on sharing it with Cosima – the two of them had become rather good friends, if she could already call it that, much to her joy – before handing it over to Dr. Leekie in order to assure that she didn't make any mistakes in explaining the genetic based and evolutionary mechanisms which could disappoint him. Also she had put a lot of work into it and she was desperate to know if that was noticeable, if a reader could see how much she had gotten into the topic. Andwhocould be better at evaluating that than the brunette with the dreadlocks?

But just in the moment she had gotten ready to visit Cosima in her lab and was about to turn her Computer off, a mail from Leekie popped up on her tall display with a polite and somewhat even charming demand for her introduction. Yet, it was still a demand after all.

She hesitated a moment and her mind raced, she found herself deciding that it wouldn't be a problem to send it later, but then she got the thought that maybe Cosima was too busy now with her DNA-analysis to read over it. The French didn't like the thought of making Leekie wait, it scared her, and if Cosima was busy he would have to wait long. Somehow, the old man himself even scared her. But Delphine knew that she was also, in a weird way, amazed by him? Maybe because his theories were surprisingly unorthodox and visionary which made them seem so very inspiring? Maybe because he was brave, proclaiming this and brave enough to be true to himself while still staying secretive? Maybe because she had a thing for outstanding personalities, for people who were different? She just didn't know and she didn't want to figure it out.

She opened a new message. Delphine started off typing that she still had to correct some things… but then she hesitated again. She had already taken so long to write and revise the introduction, too long. Otherwise Leekie wouldn't have mailed her. She twirled one of her blonde locks between her fingers, before stroking them out of her face. With her brows furrowed she sighed and deleted the paragraph she had already written. Her mind had went completely blank. She switched into her bussiness-mode.

 

_Dearest Professor Dr. Leekie,_

_It's amazing what a great timing you always have – I have just finished the first draft of my introduction. I'm not sure if I've gotten everything right, but I think you are the perfect person to judge that. I'm open for any advice on how to do this as good as possible._

_I'll attach the file to this mail. I'm already looking forward to your reply._

_Thanks, or rather_ Merci _in advance. C'est superb._

_Dr. Delphine Cormier_

 

With closed eyes, she sent the mail. She left them closed for a while, mind still blank, before she finally decided that she'd still go to see Cosima with her introduction. Like this, she'd get a first idea on what Leekie's reply would look like. She'd know about her first mistakes, about where she had explained something too stiffly or briefly… But she was sure that Cosima also wouldn't hesitate to give her a lot of positive feedback. Delphine was sure that the dreadlocked woman would look at her with gleaming eyes and that sweet grin and tell her what she'd done really well. It made Delphine feel dizzy. She wasn't used to someone looking at her like this – with so much adoration (for her intelligence, her achievements, her wording and ideas) and with something… else. Something special. Delphine liked to spend time with her. The brunette's presence made her feel flattered and somehow light-headed as well. She savoured every minute with her.

The French doctor copied the data on a USB port, then she turned her Computer off, got up and left her office. She strolled through the halls with dedication to her goal. Her steps were certain, and yet… she was somehow excited? And nervous as well? The French didn't get it. She wasn't used to feel like this, to behave like this. She was the nervous type, sure, but usually never about her work on her projects. If she knew one thing it was that she was intelligent and that she surly was good at her field.

Delphine tried to shrug these feelings off, already on the way down her last meters to Cosima's office. The blonde reached the door. After a deep breath she knocked on the wood.

No reply came. _Maybe I just haven't heard it?_ Delphine was confused. Usually, around this time, Cosima was working in her office, most of the time with the heavy smell of weed clinging to her. And in a good mood. _Which probably highly correlated with the smell of weed,_ Delphine thought with a smile.

The blonde knocked again. Still – no reply. She looked down to her feet. Strange, there was no light coming from the door crack. Without really thinking about it, her hand bolted down to the door handle. The door was locked?

She wasn't sure why she was so disappointed, or where this pang in her chest came from. And somehow, she got to the conclusion that she shouldn't think about it anymore.

As fast as she could, she turned around, trailing down the hallway. Back to her office, back to her workspace. Back to… Leekie's reply, maybe?

He was busy, so probably not. She wouldn't be able to continue until then. There was a boring day ahead of her.


	9. Party the Pain Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter:  
> Heathens - Twenty One Pilots (I really love this song, the melody gave me the right mood)  
> Different - Pendulum (just as a preperation for the next chapter)

Delphine spend the next two hours not doing anything that could be deemed useful in her lab. She read a few pages of the novel she was currently reading in her free time but somehow she just couldn't get into it. The French wasn't sure why, usually she almost disappeared in a book when she was finished with the first sentence. With a groan she closed the book. She opened a new tab and put on some music. Maybe that would calm her down. There was nothing wrong with trying.

With some low-volume music in the background, Delphine sighed and went over to check her social media. Because she wasn't a person for social media, she couldn't really keep herself busy with it for long, though. It just wasn't her thing. Like usual, not much had happened since last time she had been online.

So she finally started to go through her old instagram pictures again, like she sometimes did when she was bored or had to distract herself. There were many memories among them that made her smile and remember some of her happiest moments. It was a great way to escape boredom and cheer herself up.

The first picture that held her glance for longer was one of her and her mother – a woman slightly less tall but just as slender as her daughter. Mrs. Cormier had blonde hair with slightly dark strands, just like her daughter as well, just that her hair was unbelievably straight. (Delphine's father had the same locks as her, so there was no room left to wonder where that mane had come from. It was fascinating to see how their genes had mixed). In the picture, Delphine and her mother sat in a small café somewhere near Cannes – where they would sometimes go on vacation. Rather than looking at the camera, the two were facing each other, almost with mirroring poses and expression. Both of them smiling so happily that it was apparent how dear they held each other. It was a nice picture that presented her good family bonds.

The picture was followed by a few she made on their journey. Then there came pictures showing her with her friends – how they sat in a park together before going to a concert, how they went for drinks, drove on small weekend trips… Delphine sighed. She missed those days, back when she had still been in France. Or rather, she really missed her friends. She would probably call one of them later this week, she decided, just to ask how it had been going. She felt so... cut out of their lives with all these miles between them.

Sometimes in between there were a few nature photographs and some pictures of just her, some taken by her friends or family members. When she came past a few pictures of her and her ex, her stomach tightened. In the beginning, it had been so nice with him – Quentin had been very charming. He had been nice and sweet with a gentle heart, unlike many other guys, which had made him stand out. He was so special and unique, a quality that was pretty attractive to her. Soon she had found herself drawn to him and his behavior. Their friendship had gotten this attraction to it and soon they didn't meet as _friends_ anymore.

The first weeks with Quentin had been truly amazing. Even the first few months, she had to give him that much credit. He was still so very sweet and always took her opinion into account. He had cared about her like no one ever had before in her entire life. It seemed so honest. She remembered his laugh well just like his dark brown and long hair. It had been so nice to be with him. Until he started to change. In the beginning, they rarely fought, but later on they often did. There was a tension slowly building up between them, and it wasn't the tension of attraction anymore but of something else. It probably was because she couldn't really let him in anymore. She could feel herself avoiding him and keeping secrets. Delphine didn't know why, she just knew that it was happening. And she couldn't stop it.

When they had finally broken up – shortly before she had left for America – everything had been a giant mess. They had come to change, and both changed to be different than before. It happened to be so that they just didn't fit any longer. There was no avail. Delphine had become more taken in by her work, it seemed as she was more and more loving her field the longer she studied in it. She had become a little quieter, often talking about science when she spoke. While Quentin just happened to become more stern and stiff. Something had been troubling him but he never talked about it. It seemed as if he was as avoidant as her.

Even though it hadn't been the best relationship, Delphine had been devastated when it ended. She hadn't really had any relationships now since she came over here. Of course, the blonde had gone out on multiple dates because she was just too nice to deny an invitation when it was delivered nicely and the guy who spoke made the impression to be kind. But she never had felt anything, not even interest, which had destroyed the possible relationships long before they even started. Often, it stayed at a single date. There was no use to it.

With a sigh, she closed the tab again, not in the mood to dwell in the past any longer, now that she had stumbled across some more painful memories. Still, she couldn't get over herself just yet and delete the pictures. The French didn't like herself when she was like this, rethinking her memories over and over until she became melancholic. It didn't do her any good and she always felt a little sad the entire day afterwards. But she just was like that - afraid to take a risk. She always tried to follow her heart, yes, but she rarely ever let herself follow through because the thought of getting hurt scared her away. So there where a lot of things in her past to be melancholic about, even more because she was fully aware that she was denying herself a lot of things, even though she didn't really know what and why.

She decided to go and grab a coffee, which she did. The short walk outside felt good, it made her a little better. The caffeine did the rest. The coffee warmed her stomach, its taste gave her delight. Even though she was still a bit unhappy, she felt much better now when she took her place in front of the computer again.

When she refreshed her mails, there was finally an answer from Leekie. Suddenly, she was really anxious. Delphine was a very perfectionist person with really high standards for herself. She knew that she hadn't written this introduction as good as it was possible but still the thought of the possible mistakes she might have made scared her. With a deep breath, she opened it.

_Dear Dr. Cormier,_

_So far your introduction is really good. Just like I expected it to be. Of course you have made a few mistakes and there are a few things that you could explain a little easier. I have attached a commented version of the data to this message; however I would like to meet you to further discuss it and the improvements that I would suggest. I am open this evening, as well as tomorrow evening, from around 7pm to 9pm. I know it is late and I am truly sorry for this but as you know I am a very busy man myself – I am working on a new project which sadly takes up some time._

_I would really appreciate if you could make room for a meeting somewhere in you schedule._

_Thank you very much for sending me the introduction right away. I am impressed._

_Dr. Aldous Leekie_

_PS: I have attached my mobile phone number, you can use it when you should get pressing questions in the future or need a quick help. I'll reply as fast as possible._

 

* * *

 

It had knocked at her door twice today. However, Cosima had just pretended that she didn't hear it. Whoever it had been – _it had most likely been Delphine_ , she thought, _or maybe Scott._ – could send her a text if the matter was really important that she would instantly reply to when she felt better. And all of her friends knew about this rule... And she'd also probably be better soon. Hopefully it would already be around tomorrow if she wouldn't have this dream again.

She had buried herself deep in her work, creating the first tables with the data she had collected so far. She copied the results of the DNA-Analysis into her dissertation and the brunette marked the parts that she had altered, adding them to the tables as well as the same strand of DNA in its original form. But that wasn't enough yet – she would have to go through the entire sequence of the three groups in order to make sure that there wasn't a mutation hidden somewhere that would change her adjustments or maybe cause diseases. Which meant that she had to look which part of the sequence was coded for what and then scan for abnormalities that didn't code for the same. And if there were, she would have to figure out what could possibly be affected by it and write it down in order to look out for the possible outcomes.

It would take her quite a while – a sequence was pretty long. Cosima was glad that she was allowed to leave out the sequences that never mutated, it would really save time. Probably she should rather use a program for the process, there were a few designed for that work. But at least for the first part she would do it herself. It was a good way to distract herself from thinking too much about well, pretty much everything. And maybe she would even get more into the process or something. Gain some more scientific insight.

When she finally gave up, her eyes were burning and tired. She had focused them on the screen for too long, not looking away for a even few seconds. She sighed. She knew this wasn't good for her eyesight (she had ruined her eyes with hyper focusing them for so long all the time after all) but she sometimes just couldn't help it. She often got too involved in her projects. The dreadlocked woman copied the rest of the sequence into a program, marking the unaltered sequence in the original genome, labled it as such and pressed enter. This would take a while now, too, probably around half an hour because she had actually managed to get quite far. The programm would also show her again the outcomes that her alterations on the genome would have, and even though she knew that already, it would be really special to see it like this. After all, it was the DNA of a now developing creature that she had shaped to her liking.

The brunette then proceeded and looked up at the clock in her lab only to see that it was already around 5pm. Her stomach growled as if it wanted to remind her that she hadn't eaten anything besides breakfast today. _Man, you're so good at healthy living. All these nutrients, amazing! Your body is so thankful for everything!_ She thought bitterly.

Cosima got up from her chair and stretched her stiff limbs. Everything hurt a little and she felt tired as if the work had completely drained all of her energy.

She decided to wait in her lab until the program had finished the analysis and then would call it a day. She would treat herself some food on her way home. _After a day like this I earned myself a fucking large pizza._ Even though she felt still sad and tired, the thought of arriving with a warm pizza at home made her happy. Of course, she'd have to share with Sarah, but that kinda made her feel better as well. It would be nice to talk to her somewhat sister again (as long as she wouldn't bring up topics such as Cosima's nightmares or consulting a therapist, for that matter, but the dreadhead doubted that).

While she sat there and waited, Cosima rolled herself a joint. She was finished fast and had just enough time left to smoke it. With the tip placed between her lips she lit it and took a quick drag in order to make sure that it would burn down. She was already feeling better now, after the first drag, knowing that she would soon start to feel high.

The scientist got up lazily and opened the windows of her lab. Her eyes wandered up to the ceiling, where the surveillance camera and the fire alarm were placed. She smiled and inhaled again. With the help of Scott's hacking skills they had turned off her camera and nobody had realized yet. There were tons of cameras around and most of their footage went unscreened. And for the alarm… well, as soon as the camera was off, Cosima had climbed up on her chair and took out the batteries, the most efficient way to shut it down. It had been hard to take off the alarm and put it back up again – she had to stand on the tip of her toes to manage it because she was rather small after all. But it was worth it. Cosima just did better with a joint.

 

* * *

 

"Do I smell Pizza?", Sarah yelled as soon as Cosima had opened the door. Her flat mate was always bragging about how she was able to smell food and identify it from a mile away. Cosima considered a myth but she never said anything, knowing how defensive Sarah could get even over the smallest things.

"Yeah, and it's our favorite one. And it's on me this time.", Cosima screamed back. The brunette had serious difficulties with closing the door while trying to balance the large box with their food inside. It was in situations like these that she wished to be an Indian goddess with at least four arms - that would be quite useful. Even though it would probably be really hard to find the right clothes.

Somehow she made it and went over to slip out of her shoes.

"If you don't share at least half of it I'll suffocate you in your sleep, I hope you know that.", Sarah replied jokingly, winking at her friend with the dreadlocks when she appeared in the hallway and took the box out of her friends hands. She was very well aware that Cosima had bought the Pizza for both of them, for neither Cosima or Sarah would be able to eat this large Pizza on their own. "Already sliced?"

"Yup. Eight pieces.", Cosima nodded with a smile. Sarah's good mood was so uplifting somehow. She felt as if the woman with the wild mane hadn't just taken the Pizza but also the weight of her worries from her shoulders. It was nice, after a day like this. It was freeing.

"Just as always." Sarah was content. It was really contagious. "I'll set the table. Do you wanna drink a beer with the Pizza maybe?"

"That would be quite nice, actually." Cosima nodded. Sometimes Sarah could be really considerate. "Thank you, you're the best."

Sarah laughed and raised her brows in disbelieve. "I'm not the best, you are? I mean, after all, you brought the Pizza. All I do is eat it."

With that, her flat mate trailed off into the living room. Cosima took the chance and went to the bathroom. She washed her hands, then she splashed some cold water in her face and rubbed some on her neck. It had been very hot outside; she felt sweaty and dirty. The sensation of the water on her skin made her feel better. More clean. Both clean from the sweat of the day and her mood after that stupid dream.

"Look, I've been waiting for you!", Sarah greeted her when Cosima sat down on the couch next to her, one leg propped up. Her green eyes were gleaming as if it was a real achievement to not already devour the Pizza in whole. It made her almost look like a child.

"I'm so proud of you!", Cosima offered, not able to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. Sarah shot her an evil glare, then she grinned and took a piece of the Pizza, placing it on her plate. Food was more important now than teasing each other. Cosima chuckled and did the same.

They ate their first slices in comfortable silence. Apparently Sarah had been just as hungry as Cosima was, so both of them were pretty happy to first of all get some food in their stomach until they where satiated enough to take it slower. The pizza was really delicious.

"So, how was your day, Cos?", Sarah finally asked. She didn't take the time to ask between bites though, she rather spoke while chewing. It was okay though, she kept her mouth mostly closed and hid it behind her hand. Like always. Being polite just wasn't her friends thing and that was okay. However, caring was her thing, even though the other woman would never admit that. But still, she was busy doing just that while they shared their meal.

"Rather good.", she lied and stared down at her slice of Pizza. "Like good in the sense that I came far on my project. I didn't really have a break or something, but it has been a huge success. A lot of work got done today,"

"Doesn't sound good at all, nerd.", Sarah scoffed. Then, she smiled – her mouth closed but still filled with food. Then she swallowed and spoke again. "I met Shay and Tony today again, surprisingly. They're organizing a party in an empty building, actually later this evening. It's legal though – it's some kind of 'closing party' for the house before they'll tear it down. It belongs to one of their friend's parents or something. Fee will be there, too. They already invited him because they met a while ago... What do you think?"

A party? Now? Was that what she needed? As some kind of distraction maybe, to keep herself from thinking? Or would she probably end up drinking too much? Cosima just couldn't say that. Maybe this would make everything worse. Maybe that was a bad idea. And maybe she should stay really far away.

But somehow, it seemed like a good idea. She continued thinking… Maybe she could invite Delphine to come as well? As some kind of an excuse for today? It would be nice...

"Sounds great I'd say.", Cosima offered with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. "May I ask a friend? I didn't open her today when she came to my lab because I was busy working. I'd like to make up for that. If it's okay with you?"

"Yeah, it's fine I guess. There more the merrier… Just as –"

"Always. Right.", Cosima finished her flat mate's sentence with a smirk.

They continued to slowly eat their food, chattering a little about the evening ahead of them. The party would start around nine, so they still had plenty of time. It was great – Cosima really needed and appreciated the break. Also it would still be soon enough to ask Delphine if she wanted to join after they finished their meal.

They finished slowly and enjoyed the rest of their beers. Sarah carried their plates to the sink while Cosima put the pizza carton into the trash and put away the empty bottles. They both washed their hands afterwards, and Cosima soon took out her phone and begun to type.

_Hey D, sorry that I didn't open today – I was really busy with that DNA-analysis and it stressed me out so I had to stay focus. I hope you understand and forgive me. I'll try to make it up to you. And I wanted to ask… a friend of mine is having a party, and I wanted to know if you'd like to come, too? So we could talk? – C_

She hit send before she could rethink the written again. She didn't want to. If she would, she would've surely changed her mind. The brunette knew it.

Anxiously she sat there and stared at her phone for a few minutes. She was too nervous to do anything else and she was afraid that her palms would soon grow a little sweaty – they sometimes would when she worried so much. She didn't like it.

Finally, her phone buzzed.

_Ma chérie C, I understand and it's totally okay. I just wanted to meet over my introduction, maybe you've time tomorrow? And your invitation sounds great, but I have to stay in tonight – I'll meet with Leekie in the evening tomorrow so I need to be prepared. That's also why I'd just love to see you – I could need some cheering up. – D_

Cosima sighed. So now it seemed like she would end up drinking too much. She would try to drown her sorrows, and she'd be reckless. _Fuck you, Niehaus. You're so stupid._


End file.
